


Your World, your Wish, your Reality, yours yours yours

by KhadaVengean



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Akira and Goro are happy but not really, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Ambivalence, Angst and Porn, Bad Ending, Bittersweet, Denial, Dependency, Desperate Sex, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Female Kurusu Akira, Good Bad Ending, Graduation, Joker accepts the deal, Oral Sex, Self-Indulgent, Smut, Where is my Hegel when I need him, so wrong, this is like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25867186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KhadaVengean/pseuds/KhadaVengean
Summary: Akira decides to accept Maruki's offer. She saves Goro Akechi, the boy she began to love and refuses to let go.But at what cost?
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 11
Kudos: 65





	Your World, your Wish, your Reality, yours yours yours

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this is basically the royal version of my other oneshot ["Deal"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19629817);. Akira decides to accept a deal to save Goro and she is happy, but it's just going downhill from here. Oh boi.
> 
> A couple of things:  
> \- This is my first time writing smut. And I'm not really sure how it turned out. I don't want it to be really entertaining but more desperate with all the emotional stuff. I hope it isn't too bad, since I cannot really judge it. Please tell me your honest opinion about it.  
> \- This was kinda inspired by a quote of Ghibli's movie "When Marnie was there"  
> -> "In this world, there is an invisible magic circle. There is inside and outside. These people are inside. And I'm outside."  
> \- If there are details I've missed in the game, please tell me. I still haven't played Royal since I do not own a P4, but I watched many walkthroughs and videos about it, so I hope it will suffice. 
> 
> This was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever written. It's so goddamn wrong, but the idea got stuck and I couldn't help myself. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> English is not my first language. Please be aware of that.

_ **0.** _

“ _I refuse to accept a reality concocted by someone else, stuck under their control for the rest of my days.“_

“ _...“_

“ _So what, that’s the path I chose.”_

_He paused. Looked at her. In the same way like the black mask. The side of him that let her truly feel alive. Alive and yet dead at the same time. It was unfair._

_It should be completely against all rules in the entire world for someone to have so much power over her life. A smile and the world was bright – a frown and she saw the dark clouds gathering on the horizon. A snark and snarl directed at her and she felt smaller than an ant – directed at her enemies and she was alive._

“ _Or are you really so spineless that you‘d fold over some bullshit, trivial threat on my life?”_

_A slice through her soul, sharp as a knife and filled with poison. It started in her head, wandered to her eyes and nose and ended on her lips. Her eyes were filled with tears, her nose slowly gathering a generous amount of snot and the words tumbled out faster than she could have expected._

“ _This is not some trivial stuff!” She steps forward and he takes a step back – it broke her heart, shattered it into a million of pieces and she just wanted to shake him around his scarf, pull him close to her and kiss him until the only thing left in her lungs was him. Him, him, **him.** Him and only him and nothing else. _

_What was life without him?_

“ _It IS!” His emphasis on the second word let her shiver, trembling shoulders yielding beneath her sorry state and she clutches her her upper arms, driving her fingers right through the fabric of her shirt and biting her tongue. The pain was familiar – blood, a metallic taste. Instead, she wished to open his mouth, plunge her tongue between his lips and getting a taste of the thing she could never get tired of. Pleasure him, hear him moan and groan and fusing with him in a way no one else would be able to copy. “_

“ _Do you think I’d be happy with this? Being shown mercy now, of all times?”_

_He deserved it. And yet, he didn’t. Not at all. In some nights, when they were entangled, their legs pulled over each other and her arms around his torso and his on the back of her neck, she caught a look of his wrists and she imagined it._

_Standing in front of a shadow and pulling the trigger. Killing them, creating mental shutdowns, causing so much agony and suffering. The same things he had to endure. Eye of an eye, tooth for a tooth._

“ _I don’t want to be pitied-”_

_Akira folded her hands in front of her stomach. Looked away. The intensity of his red eyes was killing her, filled with so many emotions that it’d take an eternity to decipher them all. But he once looked differently at her – in lust, in passion, whenever they united in the most erotic way possible and filling her to the brim. Panting and staring at each other and moving with each other. So selfish and so incredibly selfless._

“ _This isn’t something I’m debating with you!”_

_Why? She had every right. She was the first person he should talk about this. Heck, they were lovers for a short period of time, but it was the first one in her entire life where she felt she belonged into this world. Not just a simple outsider with nowhere to go, one who resided in the lowest part of the mortal world, but a human being, with emotions and so much more to do._

“ _Your indecisiveness on the matter is essentially a betrayal of my wishes.”_

_ Akira wanted to laugh. Halt and laugh at their faces. The world, her friends, Yaldabaoth, Lavenza, Igor, Maruki,  **him, all of them.** They were two contestants in their game and he betrayed her, not only once, but twice.  _

_He killed her and then left her behind. Returned to just go again and leave her. And he was the one who spat out the word ‘betrayal’ with so much venom that a snake could get jealous from all the poison._

_Now, it was her turn to betray._

_His eyes sharpened, once more. He was the only one who could look right through her soul and she mused that the sight of her inner thoughts, of her greatest wish, set him off._

_He took a deep breath, preparing himself. It was a waste of time. He knew her answer._

“ _I want to hear you say it out loud.”_

_ His last resort. To force her to think about it.  It was her last chance. Turn around and face the reality she fought for, wished for, worked for. So much blood and so many tears. _

_ But all things have their lines and it was clear that this was one of them. She put enough effort into it. It was over on Christmas Eve and every day after the 24 th December was nothing but pure torture. _

_She was sick of it. Sick of everything._

“ _What do you intent to do?”_

_If they fought against Maruki and they’d win, the return to their original reality was certain. But Goro-_

_She gritted her teeth. Balled her hands to fists. Closed her eyes and silverish gray and a red tone that reminded her of a pool of blood, clashed against each other._

_A look that was filled with suspicion. With grief. With curiosity. With passion. Love and lust. Empathy and kindness. A look that told her the same thing._

“ _ **I know how you’re feeling.”**_

_She got a taste of ambrosia and she refused to taste anything else for the rest of her life._

“ _I won’t wait a moment longer.” He stood before her, their bodies two parallels in the vast sea of the world and she refused to lose her other half. “Answer me.”_

_The words falling from her lips came as naturally as the ABC. They came as natural as the three words she has whispered into his ear, multiple times, when they entangled and she rested her chin in the between of shoulder and neck, nuzzling his skin and enjoying a moment that was so fleeting._

“ _We’re taking the offer.”_

_Cold. A harsh blade and the pools of blood grew darker. He pulled on his glove – nearly identical to the one he had thrown at her after their battle and before the first night they spent as a duo, as a unit, as a thing that could never be ripped apart. She knew that his urge to kill her in this moment was strong._

_By his hand, she wouldn’t mind._

“ _Are you serious?”_

“ _I am serious.”_

_Love. Hatred. Everything in between. They were walking hand in hand, never leaving the other._

“ _...”_

_He looked away. Showing her his back, the skin she had scratched countless times before in her peak of pleasure, the shoulders she had bit to muffle her scream to not alert anyone close to them. The walls were thin and her tolerance to resist him even thinner._

“ _Well, I have your answer.”_

_The only answer she would give him._

“ _There’s nothing left I can say.”_

_Good._

“ _Our deal’s off.”_

_As partners. Joker and Crow died. Only Akira and Goro remained._

_Akira stepped forward, right behind him and put her arms around his torso, sliding down his waist and burying her face into the back of his coat. She felt him stiffen. “You are the reason for me to keep on going. You are the only one who truly understands me, the only one who makes me feel complete.”_

_The tears returned and a weight fell from her heart._

_She killed someone and gained someone back. One for one. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth._

_She made her decision. And she would never falter. Not once, not now, never again. As long as she had him, she was a force to be reckoned with._

“ _Even if we were meant to be opponents, we are two halves of the same thing. Never forget that.”_

_With a grunt and a shudder in his shoulders, he freed himself from her embrace and left the cafe._

_Akira let out a deep breath. Closed her eyes._

Now her life could truly begin.

* * *

**I.**

Their looks caught each other. From afar, she recognized the white flower in his breast pocket, the black cylinder in his hands and his classmates surrounding him.

But despite the crowd, a scarlet tone met her silverish ones and the smile on his lips let the day appear sunny. It filled her with happiness and warmth – Akira reciprocated it, waving at him and watching how he excused himself from his surroundings. They returned to their parents and f amily .

Her heart was full. He approached her, returned to _her_ , and it was something straight out of her own personal fairy tale. She meets him halfway, claps her hand and smiled at him. “Congratulations on graduating, Goro!”

“I’m glad to see that you’ve come, Akira. Thank you.” And despite her original expectations, he stepped forward -

_\- not back, with a look filled with venom and hatred and wrath, disappointment, regret and shame -_

\- but lifted her right hand and pressed his lips against her skin in a comforting and gentlemanly matter. Her heart fluttered, the taste of ambrosia spreading on her tongue and letting her senses heighten.

Crimson eyes look at her in love, in respect and open admiration.

She felt herself blush, the red creeping on her cheek and even enhancing when several females were staring at her. But she gulped, swallowing the words she wished to say originally and replied, with a smile on her lips and tears in her voice: “Anything for you, Goro.”

They exchanged glances, the world was changing.

**Don’t turn around. Go forward. This is the path I chose.**

_**Let me go. Set me free. This is the last thing I’ve ever wanted.** _

He pulled her forward by her hand, getting her out of her stupor and his lips found her forehead instead. He held her wrist for dear life, his other holding his last papers loosely.

He spoke the words she wished to hear. “Shall we go?”

And she replied in the same manner that she always wanted to say. “A new life is waiting for us.”

They smiled. The tears slowly started to gather in her eyes and his naked finger wiped them away at her lid, before they started to flow.

His touch was cool, hot and acid.

It was _addicting._

* * *

**II.**

As soon as his teeth buried into the fragile skin of her neck, she opened her mouth and let out a howling cry. Pleasure and ecstasy running through her veins and sharpening the sensation of his hands on her wrists, pinning her down. He bit at her skin, buried his nose in the column of her neck and she mewled, moaned, screamed and cried. For him, for release, anything to get her over this torturing edge he was constantly driving her.

He was panting her, planting sloppy and hard kisses on her lips and biting her lower lip, drawing blood and letting it gather. She was sure that something wet trickled down her chin, mixed with the sweat forming on her skin. He held her captive, she was his prisoner and it was a feeling she was longing for. May everything on this world help her, but Goro was a person she couldn’t resist.

He let go of her wrists, letting his hands wandering instead and grabbing her hips, digging his thumbs into the hard mass of her bones and he paused, waited.

Only their pants and mere tries to catch air filled her attic with sound. Not even the stray cats that normally performed their concert during their time of the night echoed from the outside. It was a pregnant silence, reminding her of the heart that was still beating in her chest. Filled with love and lust and need and desire and anything else that a human being could feel.

Her hand felt empty, she started to wander. From the top of her breast over to her nipples which were hard underneath the lacy bra she wore – wore only for  _ him –  _ down to the soft flesh of her belly and finally to her hips. She searched for his hands with her touch, looking and not knowing where he was. 

“Goro?” Her voice was a feeble. Helpless, lost, uncertain, needing a hand to guide her through the darkness and into the light. “Goro?”

A hitch in her breath. A pause, a staccato of life and everything came to a halt. “ Where are you?”

There was only void. The sky was dark and black and not even one star shone on the horizon. She felt her heart stop for a moment. B lack was approaching, ready to take her. 

_Don’t take him away from-_

“I’m here.” A drop of water after a walk in the desert. She was thirsty, wishing for life instead of death. Their hands intertwined and she felt his skin between her fingers. His pulse right against her own and two lives were woven together into a stitch that was carefully put together. So easily to rip apart, but unbreakable nonetheless. “I’m here, Akira.”

The sweat was cold on her skin, the drops cooling down to a freezing temperature. She shivers, her other hand reaching for his other hand and they were together. Intertwined, a unit, not to be seperated.

**Without you, I’m nothing.**

_**Without you, I’m everything.** _

“It’s alright.” He let go of her right side, reached for her cheek and came back, his face hovering over hers. Goro cupped her jaw, swiped his thumb over her cheekbone and pressing a kiss against her forehead. “Everything’s alright. Isn’t it?”

A jest. A joke.

_A threat._

Their minds thought alike. Her hands reached for the sides of his head while his clawed at her p ants , pulling them down  along with her panties , baring her in front of him like god had created her. With quick hands, she unclasped her bra, threw it to the side and  before any word left her, any beg or plea, she let out a moan filled with gluttony.

His tongue found her  sex, the tip plunging into her wet heat and letting it curl around her nub. Waves of pleasure crashed over her limbs, the tides changing whenever he let her take a breath or cut her of all oxygen. Akira gasped, she moaned, she screamed. 

“Yes, right there-” She clawed her fingers into the pillow beneath her head, her right leg twitching and she felt her juices coming out of her sex in a slow dribble, right onto the tongue of her love and he caught every single drop. It was too much, he was too much, everything was too much.

He hit her in the right angle, found her weakest spot and she came undone beneath him. The orgasm crashed into her body, letting it echo through every nook and cranny. It was both exhilarating and calming. The sea retreated and she took a deep breath, filled with lust and sex and love, and she loosened her grip on her pillow and let herself sink into the mattress beneath her skin.

She had her eyes closed, feeling his hands on her arms and his chin between her breast and when she opened her eyes again, she felt her heart burst  out of all its seams. 

Goro was smiling at her. His mouth and chin literally  _ drenched  _ in her slick and she let out a coarse laugh, combing through his hair with her hand. He kissed her left breast, right above her erratic heart and the desire came back in one swoop.

She used the moment, flipped them over, straddling his lap and pulling on his shirt and pants. Goro moaned at the contact of her hand against his length and she leaned forward, took him into her mouth and didn’t hesitate to use her tongue. Make him moan, make him scream,  _ remind him that you’re here.  _

_Show him that you’ll never let go._

S he indulged him, letting her tongue lap at his length and his swollen flesh and she followed every one of his cries. His hands took her hair, pushing her down and letting his cries became even more peaked. She was driving him to the edge, kissing his head over and over and letting her tongue circle his tip.

His release was sudden, strong. She stayed, swallowing everything with a deep hum and reaching for his hands once more.

She found them immediately. Cold and hot, comfort and acid.

She kissed him on his lips and the taste of the other lingered on their tongues.

* * *

**III.**

Black and white. King and Queen. Two tacticians with different methods to think.

Akira titled her head, watched her opponent stare at the board between them. Goro reached forward with his hand, halted mid-air and retreated immediately, cupping his chin instead and pondered.

The black haired girl leaned back, uncrossing her legs and leaning to the side, twirling an ebony lock around her index finger. She watched his every move, knew them like the back of her hand.

He moved his piece and their eyes met. His eyebrow rose. “Anything in particular to cross your mind?”

She regains her former posture, reaching for her knight and lifted it, letting it linger over the checkered board. “Just thinking about everything.”

“That seems to be a bit much, don’t you think?” While he spoke, his eyes didn’t leave her hand. He was already calculating which move to pull of. “Shouldn’t you be concentrating on our game? You’ve started to slack off.”

“Is that so? I didn’t notice.”

He pulled of his checkmate. Stared at her and his questioning eyebrow seemed to mock her just a little bit. But then, a smirk spread on his lips, lightening his face in an unearthly matter. “I did. If you want to stay my rival, maybe you should start to put in some efforts.”

She hummed, putting a strand of her hair behind her ear and she tilted her head once more. Akira noticed the way his gaze changed, from rival to a lover. She bared him her neck and grinned. “Losing belongs to life. You can’t always win.”

**I’ve already won.**

_**At what cost?** _

“That may be true, but you should be more ambitious.” He pushed his chair to the back, pulling up the chess pieces on her small table in her attic. “You don’t have that long until graduation.”

Snow was falling on the outside, covering Yongen-Yaja in a white blanket and letting the noises of the city quieten down. Christmas was approaching with quick steps, New Years, Valentines Day, White Day, her graduation day.

“As long as I stay in Tokyo, I am content. I will see what this world has to offer for me.”

“Is that so?”

Akira flashed him a smile, humming when she approached him and curtisied in front of her prince with the white armor. “If I have such a dashing hero by my side, what can go wrong?”

He rolled his eyes, but bowed and participated in her act. “It will be my utmost honor.”

* * *

**IV.**

“Say cheese, you three!”

Ann on her left, Ryuji on her right, Akira stood in the middle and posed with her best friends, smiling into the camera. All three of them shouted “Cheese,”.

The world was right. Cherry blossoms were falling on the ground beneath her feet, a cool spring breeze caressed her cheeks with a tender touch and Akira smiled Ann’s arm fell around her and Ryuji’s shoulders. “We did it, guys!”

“Oh, hell yeah! Doesn’t matter what comes, we’ve got this!”

They laughed. Haru clapped her hands at their picture and the black haired girl hid her laughs behind her hand. “I’m so happy to see you three graduating.”

“I didn’t think Ryuji would have popped of, but guess everyone makes mistakes.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean? I’ve studied, like everyone else.” The blonde crossed his arms in front of his chest at Futaba’s remark. “Let’s see how you will do it in two years!”

“I will defeat this endboss without losing any HP, don’t you worry about it!” The quirky red head flashed him her most confident expression and let Ryuji groan.

“It’s such a shame Makoto and Yusuke aren’t here to celebrate with us.”

Ann’s blue eyes were flashed in a hint of grief and it was a picture Akira thought she had forgotten. The words came quicker than she thought. “Hey, don’t worry about it. As soon as we get the chance, we can invite them all to Leblanc and have our own party. We can invite Shiho too!”

Her goal was achieved – the sadness passed and the sun was nothing compared to the beam on Ann’s face. “That’s a great idea!”

“True, let’s do that!”

With all her friends around her, Akira felt right. In the right time, right moment, in the right place.

“Akira!”

The voice that let her heart soar echoed through the street of Shujin and she watched how Futaba’s smirk grew, Haru’s eyes turning dreamily.

The bouquet in Goro’s arms caught not only her attention, but of many others.

“It’s so nice to see you, Goro.” Haru’s warmth spread through their round. “You’ve made it!”

“My apologies, but my classes didn’t end sooner and I hurried to get here in time.” He exchanged a glance with the heiress and turned his eyes to the three – he looked at her and Akira started to glow. “I guess congratulations are in order.”

“For real, dude. We’re done here!”

“Thank you, Goro, it means a lot.”

Red met silverish and she wished to shut her mouth. There was nothing that could top this moment.

It was a bouquet of white lilies. Just like the one she had in her breastpocket, they were glowing in full bloom. Right in front of all their friends, he gifted it to her, with a two dreamy sighs, a giggle and a content sound.

“Congratulations on graduating.”

Akira looked at him. From the flowers. And her joy didn’t know any boundary.

She tackled him to the ground, her arms around his torso and a laugh out of her mouth. He groaned, exasperatedly, but he petted her hair.

**I fell for you.**

_**I fell because of you.** _

With her graduation, her she could finally enter a new chapter in her life.

With him.

* * *

**V**.

She knew that her other half wasn’t really spontaneous. And that was completely alright for her. The fact that he sometimes brought her something sweet or a bouquet of flowers was enough.

After they had moved together into a small apartment close to his university with her own only a couple of train fares away, she relished in the time when they lay on their bed amd he started to over- analyze it with the greatest critisicm and showing her every single moment he was talking about. Plot, characters, settings, choice of music. There was nothing to escape his critique.

But Akira indulged him, leaned her head on his shoulder and sneaked her arms around his torso to listen to him. Even though she often failed to focus on his words and stared at his lips instead. These evenings often ended the same way, with her tugging on his sleep shirt and kissing him into oblivion. Their clothes rarely stayed on their bodies and even when they did, they became sticky with sweat and their fluids.

But one morning, one of the first Sundays they were both free, without his assignments and her part time job, she woke up to a hand on her shoulder, softly shaking and taking her from the world of dreams. “Akira, wake up!”

A yawn cut of her first thought. She squinted her eyes, closed them again and allowed her head to rest on her pillow once more. “Goro.” A mix between a whine and a yawn. “What time is it?”

“Six a.m.”

“You normally never wake up this late.” She feels his weight on the mattress, dipping down, and even while she was still half asleep, she reaches for his hand, intervening their fingers. “Did something happen?”

“Just get up and let’s go.”

She wasn’t willing. And then he leaned close to her and whispered with the most convincing and sultriest voice this bastard of a boyfriend could possess: “I have something nice planned. Just for the two of us.”

She opened her eyes a little bit. Stared at him.

A contest. Who would win.

And with a heavy sigh and a sudden kiss on his lips, she rose from her cocoon of sheets and prepared herself in the bathroom.

In the morning mist, the sun barely peeking over the horizon, they left Toyko. Light was accompanying them during the train ride. She fell asleep on his shoulder, clinging to his arm with his hand on her head and combing through her ebony locks.

He woke her up again. “We’re here. Come on.” With his hand on her wrist, tugging her up and forcing her to follow him, Akira stumbled, still so lost in her sleep that she wasn’t sure where left and right was.

But the feeling of warmth on her nose and crispy wind on her cheeks slowly pulled her out of her present slumber. Fresh air that you could never find in the city and a feeling of peace and tranquility shaking in her bones, reaching the end of her nerves and letting her take a deep breath.

The small station was found in the middle of nowhere and Goro looked at her in a teasing matter. “Surprised much?”

“It’s wonderful,” she breathed out and like the fresh air she inhaled, she exhaled serenity. “How did you find this?”

“Researching. Part of the job.” He reached for her hand and this time, she stepped forward, taking his into her own and squeezing tight. He looked away, forward and pulled her with him. “There is something I must show you.”

Goro found paradise. There was nothing she could say about this except the most beautiful place on earth. The green was lush, the flowers in full bloom and their colors flowing so perfectly into each other. A small river was flowing between the green and stones and the birds were chirping their songs over their heads.

“It’s beautiful.”

Their hands were intertwined, blending into a unit and the world was perfect. They were one, never without the other. There was nothing to rip them apart.

“Akira?”

His voice was like honey in her ears, playing a melody that could sooth even the darkest thoughts and doubts. It was worth it, her heart chanted. _Worth it, worth it, worth it._

**You are my world.**

**_I don’t want to be._ **

“Let’s go on a trip after this.”

She looked at him, watched how he stood in the middle of green and colors and it looked so... _wrong._ “A trip?”

“Around the whole word. Let’s go see Europe, the States, Australia. Anything, I do not care.”

**Why do you run?**

**_I do not belong here._ **

“Sure! Of course, count me in.”

The moments passed. They stood in front of each other.

A world, only for them. She fought and she won. Goro was by her side. Akira was happy.

_**Is that truly your wish?** _

**I only have one wish.**

**For a world to be mine.  
** _For a world to be mine._  



End file.
